There you have it: you've created a new life…
The same child that until recently you cradled in your womb now quietly sleeps in a nearby crib. The child for whom you've shed many tears, a gift of love so strong and unconditional. You may have shed bitter tears due to the sharp pain of childbirth or even painful tears when healing from a c-section or another type of intervention. It could even be an outburst of all these emotions.
And now? You're different, yourself, but different and that's absolutely undeniable and maybe, in some way, it's affecting your intimate relationships. You feel somewhat out of place, uncomfortable, not really in your own skin. You feel as if you’ve lost the desire or on the contrary, if you'd like to have sex, you are so, so, insecure about it...
How about we try to shed some light on the topic.
Let’s get started right from the beginning
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! According to various studies, a substantial number of mothers report problems with their sexual life during the first three months after giving birth. Small stones or bumps along the road that sometimes, instead of dodging, they confess to having carried around for over a year, increasing their weight progressively.
This is exactly what we don't want to happen; intimacy is a fundamental part of our health; therefore, we must feel at ease and prepared when engaging in any kind of sexual relationship. So, how do we do that?
1. The truth is that sometimes the loss of lust is a reality, spurred especially by hormonal changes, concern for the newborn, acclimatization, reduced intimacy, and fatigue. Of course, physical changes are also a trigger that sometimes modifies appetites. Formerly erogenous zones are no longer so or have become uncomfortable, for example, if you're breastfeeding, your breasts are usually more sensitive. It might arouse your sexual desire or annoy you. You might need to “re-learn” yourself and sometimes even, “re-invent”, yourself. So, how can we stir up desire?
- Showing affection by means of caresses
- Oral sex
- Communicating what we like or dislike, and doing so without feeling shame
- Looking for stimuli such as erotic literature or movies
2. If you've had a c-section or if you've given vaginal birth, your pelvic floor muscles have been affected to a lesser or greater extent by the pregnancy process. These muscles are not only essential in terms of avoiding prolapses or incontinence, but they're directly responsible for our sexual well-being. If the floor is weakened, the pressure we'll exert will be lower. Therefore, the orgasm can be more difficult to reach and in doing so, it may be less intense/pleasant.
How do we solve this? To begin with, it'd be helpful if a specialized physiotherapist could evaluate us during the postpartum period and give us guidelines as to what we have to do. Surely, they'll recommend Kegel exercises and here, Perifit becomes our most reliable ally. As a matter of fact, it works so well that thousands of doctors worldwide recommend it. Plus, we must take into account that 30% of women perform the exercises incorrectly, which is counterproductive and even damaging. Luckily, with Perifit, everything is under control since it's the only device that identifies poorly executed contractions so you can do them correctly and take care of yourself. Also, and no less critical, is to perform massages in the perineum area using a water-based lubricant or suitable oils.
3. Lubricants: If we're not planning to breastfeed, in approximately six weeks the menstrual cycles will return and the vaginal epithelium will thicken and lubricate, in counterpoint, in the case of breastfeeding, estrogen levels thin it down and our level of lubrication is poor so that masturbation or penetration can feel uncomfortable or even feel painful. How do we fix this? Well, lubricants will do the job. Remember that if you're intending to use a condom as a contraceptive method, it must be compatible with the lubricant.
4. Postures: Roughly, the reproductive system after childbirth takes an average of five to six weeks to recover and, therefore, intercourse isn't recommended. In this way, we avoid infections (especially if we still have lochia or have been sutured based on an episiotomy or tears). Of course, in cases where there's been a C-section, copulation can occur before the full 5-6 weeks is fulfilled. It's normal that we have a feeling of hypersensitivity in our sexual organs which will diminish with time. Nevertheless, it's also possible to have different, new and pleasant sensations.
And what positions are ideal?
- Sit or lay beside your partner. That way you can control the degree of penetration and rhythm
- Both of you lie sideways, facing one another. In this case, the penetration will not be deep and the rhythm will be in itself, slower given the posture
- Same as the previous one, but you will be penetrated from behind. Again, the penetration will not be deep and the rhythm will accompany the position
5. Patience and low expectations: And more if it's the first time you're planning to have sex after childbirth. Give yourself a chance, and above all, be indulgent with yourself if it doesn't work out as you hoped. After a certain period of time, if you're still experiencing difficulties, you may wish to seek professional help (gynecologist, sexologist, etc.).
6. It's critical to communicate and understand your relationship with your partner. Your way of reaching climax may have changed and the stimulation that once thrilled you no longer does or isn't as pleasurable as it used to be. Therefore, you both need to communicate and understand each other.
It's now apparent that there are no magic formulas, potions, or spells that are infallible. All you need to do is let the magic within you do its work. Your magic is what has allowed you to birth a brand-new being from the warmth and reddened center of your body.
Writer of romantic genre, erotic fiction, and gastronomy. I combine literature, photography, and collaborations through stories, articles, and sex toy reviews.